Great small talk isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s about adapting.
If you are like I used to be, these moments might feel awkward:
• You bump into a colleague you barely know in the lift, and they ask, “How was your weekend?” You reply politely, “Good, thank you,” then stare at the door, unsure what else to say.
• You dial into a global team call. As teammates chat casually about holidays, you silently wish they’d jump straight to the agenda.
• You walk into a networking event full of strangers and quietly hope someone will rescue you from having to start a conversation.
As an introvert and a logical thinker, small talk once felt superficial, unnecessary—and far from my comfort zone.
Fast forward ten years: through countless moments in lifts, boardrooms, boutiques, and dinner tables, I’ve learned how to make small talk work. More than that, I’ve discovered a recipe to make it meaningful—and yes, even enjoyable.
Let me share my recipe with you.
The Myth vs. The Art
There is a common myth about small talk: You need to be naturally chatty or brilliant at talking.
The truth? People often remember you as great at small talk not because of what you say—but because of how present, attentive, and genuine you are.
The same four cornerstones that help build authentic relationships—whether with a VIC, colleague, or business partner—also apply to the art of small talk.
The Art of Smalltalk is distilled in four simple yet powerful words that I called The SPCV Model: Sincerity, Presence, Curiosity, and Versatility.
Sincerity
I used to think small talk was just polite, surface-level chitchat.
But I’ve learned that even the briefest exchange can leave someone feeling truly seen and valued.
When your intention, words, and tone come from a place of sincerity, even a simple “How was your weekend?” becomes more than a filler—it becomes a moment of care.
One way to bring sincerity to life is through specificity—both in what you ask and how you respond.
✨ “My weekend was lovely—my husband and I found a tiny café tucked away in the backstreets. It felt like a little escape.”
✨ “That sounds like such a refreshing weekend—what was the highlight for you?”
Presence
A genuine connection only happens when you are fully engaged.
At a networking event, for example, presence means resisting the urge to rehearse your elevator pitch or scan the room for someone “more important,” and instead giving your full attention to the person in front of you.
Presence is felt through eye contact, responsive body language, and – most of all – listening with intention.
A simple way to show presence? Ask follow-up questions based on what the person just shared—or even better, come back to something they said later in the exchange:
✨ “You mentioned launching a new collection – how’s that going?”
✨ “Earlier you said your team just expanded – what’s been the biggest shift for you?”
Curiosity
Curiosity is the secret ingredient that invites depth. It is not about having the perfect question but a genuine desire to learn more about the other person’s world.
Thoughtful questions—ones that go a layer deeper—create space for people to open up and feel appreciated.
If someone mentions a recent holiday, for example, go beyond “Where did you go?” and ask:
✨ “What made that trip special for you?”
✨ “Was there a moment that stood out?”
Curiosity also means being open to where the conversation goes even if it drifts off-script. When you’re truly curious, people feel it – and they tend to respond with more openness and trust.
Versatility
Great small talk isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s about adapting -whether that means shifting your tone, changing topics, or adjusting your pace to match the person in front of you.
With someone reserved, you might ease in with a soft observation or low-pressure question:
✨ “Is it your first time at this event?”
✨ “I always find networking events unpredictable—how do you usually approach them?”
With someone more outgoing, mirror their energy and let the conversation flow with more spontaneity and enthusiasm.
Versatility allows you to move beyond your natural defaults and connect with a broader range of people—while staying authentic to yourself.
And that’s where the science comes in.
People don’t just differ in personality—they also differ in how they perceive the world and what kinds of conversations they’re naturally drawn to.
Which brings us to a sneak peek at next week’s topic:
The Science of Small Talk
We’ll explore how to tailor your small talk to resonate with different types of people—so your conversations feel natural, energising, and impactful.