While how we show up matters, what we talk about can make or break the connection.
In last week’s newsletter, we explored the art of small talk—shifting the narrative from “What should I say?” to “How can I be?”
We introduced the SPCV framework—Sincerity, Presence, Curiosity, and Versatility—as four cornerstones that help us turn fleeting interactions into authentic connections.
When we lead conversations with genuine attention and care, even the briefest exchange can leave a lasting impression.
But there’s another layer to great small talk—one rooted in psychology and communication science. Because while how we show up matters, what we talk about can make or break the connection.
The Science of Communication Preference
One of the most powerful tools in small talk isn’t what you say—it’s knowing how the other person sees the world.
According to the Process Communication Model (PCM), we all have access to six different perception types—but one usually feels the most natural and energising to us. It shapes how we communicate, what topics we gravitate toward, and what makes us feel truly seen.
Spotting someone’s preferred perception early on—through their tone, word choice, and body language—helps you adapt your approach in a way that creates instant rapport.
Here’s how to spot each type and what kind of small talk draws them in:
🧠 Logic – “Make it make sense.”
How to spot: They speak precisely, ask practical questions, and prefer clear conversations.
You might hear them ask, “What time did you arrive?” or “How long were you there?” instead of “Did you have a good time?” Their tone is often measured, and their facial expressions are neutral.
What to talk about: Stick to concrete details—what happened, how it worked, timelines, or structure. These individuals find comfort and connection in facts over feelings.
✨ “We stayed for five days—flew in Friday evening and returned Wednesday morning. It was the perfect amount of time to reset.”
✨ “It’s a new project we launched across three markets. We started piloting in Q1 and rolled out in full last month.”
🌍 Opinion – “Let’s talk about ideas.”
How to spot: They express strong viewpoints, enjoy discussing values, causes, or current affairs, and often use phrases like “I believe…” or “In my view…”
What to talk about: Broader themes—world events, industry shifts, purpose-driven work, or social impact.
✨ “What’s your take on how AI is reshaping creative industries?”
✨ “Do you think luxury brands have a responsibility to push sustainability more intentionally?”
❤️ Affection – “Let’s connect from the heart.”
How to spot: Warm tone, open body language, personal anecdotes. They often ask how you feel or share stories about loved ones.
What to talk about: Family, pets, home life, weekends, meaningful moments.
✨ “That sounds like a lovely weekend—do you usually get outdoors with your kids?”
✨ “Your dog’s adorable! What’s their name?”
😂 Humour – “Let’s keep it light.”
How to spot: Playful tone, frequent use of jokes or exaggeration, light sarcasm, expressive gestures.
What to talk about: Fun, everyday quirks, funny stories, cultural observations.
✨ “I always end up picking the longest queue—do you have that shopping superpower too?”
✨ “Isn’t it funny how networking events always start with awkward badge-staring
🚀 Action – “Let’s move forward!”
How to spot: High energy, fast-paced speech, focus on results or goals. They often talk about what’s next or what they’ve just accomplished.
What to talk about: Projects, achievements, challenges, “what’s next” in life or work.
✨ “What are you working on now that’s excited you?”
✨ “I heard you’ve just moved roles—what’s your next big milestone?”
🪞 Reflection – “Let’s take a moment.”
How to spot: They tend to speak more slowly and thoughtfully, often pausing before responding. Their tone is calm, and they may look away momentarily as they reflect. They’re often less focused on fast facts or big opinions—and more drawn to thoughtful exchanges and quiet insight.
What to talk about: Create space for introspection. Reflective types enjoy talking about personal growth, meaningful experiences, or the why behind things.
✨ “What did that experience teach you?”
✨ “Looking back, was there something that surprised you about the trip?”
By tuning in and matching the perception preference of the person in front of you, your small talk becomes more than polite conversation—it becomes an entry point into connection.
And the best part? You don’t need to change who you are—flex which part of you shows up.
A Thought to Take with You This Week…
As we explored over these past two weeks, small talk isn’t about being charming, extroverted, or quick with words.
It’s about showing up with sincerity, presence, curiosity, and versatility—and tuning in to the subtle ways people experience the world around them.
✨ This week, before your next small talk moment, try this two-part check-in:
How am I showing up?
Am I being present? Am I genuinely curious? Am I adapting to this moment rather than defaulting to a script?
What is this person drawn to?
Are they asking practical what/how questions? Expressing values or big-picture opinions? Sharing warm personal stories? Making you laugh? Talking about goals?
When you combine The Art of how you engage with the Science of what you talk about, you create space for something deeper to emerge—even in the most casual conversation.
Because small talk, at its best, is never small. It’s the beginning of connection.